Another Face I Always See
by Writer with a Pearl Earring
Summary: Spock recalls a cadet from his youth as he spends time with Uhura. He believes that he will never stop comparing the two and struggles to move forward with his fledgling relationship.
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: I do not own any Star Trek anything. Nothing. I also do not own the poem used in this chapter.

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I cannot understand why I lay in bed and think of her, even when Nyota is at my side, but I do and I compare everything Nyota does to her. I do not believe that one is 'right' and one is 'wrong' as I make these comparisons but I feel my companion would find it most upsetting if she were to know that I did this.

I do not even realize I am doing it any more until I almost say one aloud. It is really quite simple things I think about when I find myself comparing. I run my fingers through Nyota's beautiful cascade of ebony hair and idly remember the feel of another's short springy curls. As I caress her deep coffee skin in a stolen moment alone while we walk I recall the pale golden hue of another woman. She senses my stray thoughts through the link created between our skin and I draw back suddenly.

"What was that?" she asks me. She was always much too good at reading my brief emotions.

"I'm not sure as to what you are inquiring about."

Her brown eyes stare up at me, I suddenly am overwhelmed by the vision of murky blue irises staring instead.

"There! You did it again, this glossed look came over you and I felt the strangest thing when we touched."

I shake my head, _Am I really being that obvious?_ "I am not sure, I may be feeling unwell."

"Spock..." her voice trails off.

I will myself not to think of _her _voice. Of course telling myself not to think of something is futile and only forces my mind to think of such things with undeniable clarity.

_She sat on the edge of a window sill, her odd stringed instrument in hand plucking it while singing, I listened in a completely captivated state. "I sang of leaves, of leaves of gold, and leaves of gold there grew._

_Of wind I sang, a wind there came and in the branches blew..." _

"Spock!"

I tried to focus only on the one infront of myself, "Yes?" She looked agitated and upset with me; I doubt her words will be kind.

"You need to go back to your quarters and rest, you aren't yourself." Her tone leaves no room for argument.

"Very well, do you wish for me to accompany you at a later hour?"

"Only if you want," the comment is crisp and mildly demanding.

I automatically interpret her words and process them into what human females actually mean with this statement, 'If you care about me you will be with me tonight.' I muse briefly to myself if 'Female, Human' could be added to my resume as languages I'm fluent in.

"Can I presume I will find you in your quarters at 1900 hours?" I see her face smooth into a smile; I do not need to read her thoughts to tell that she is pleased.

"Yes, I will be there, and if I have stepped out briefly I'm sure you can chat with my room mate for a few minutes." Her smile turns into a devilish grin.

I close my eyes for a second and then pinch the bridge of my nose in order to stop the oncoming headache I feel.

_I ring the bell at Nyota's room and wait for admittance, the buzzer is pressed and I step inside. I do not see Nyota but her seductive Orion room mate is standing in the door way of the bathroom. 'Oh I thought it was... never mind make yourself at home.'_

_I sit on the edge of Nyota's bed while Gaila moves about the room in naught but a towel. I take a deep breath to calm myself and realize my folly quickly as her pheromones permeate my olfactory sense. She understands the sway she now has over me and moves to her bed next to me. She bends to fetch something under the bed and I see her amazing green legs leading up towards the bottom of the towel. Even in my half hallucinating state of mind I found myself going _'Well Gaila's legs are longer but _her _legs always seemed perfectly proportional.' _I cannot even begin to describe how dumbstruck I feel that the thought of this female has broken even the spell of an Orion temptress. _

_'Spock, do you need any thing while you wait?' She asks me with the most perfect smile as she sits a little too close on the bed to me for propriety._

_'No, I am fine, however I do believe I will look for Nyota in the linguistics labs instead.'_

_Gaila gives me one last smoldering look before unlocking the door and allowing me to leave._

I remembered in an instant and I bring myself back to the present just as swiftly as the headache ebbs. "You are correct, I should rest, I will find you at the agreed upon time."

She looks at me with such affection, the corner of her mouth quirking up just enough to indicate her happiness. "Go then, and feel better."

I turn and embrace her before leaving, my index and middle finger finding hers as my Vulcan expression of how I feel but do not say.

We part without additional words I walk quickly across campus, returning to the secluded faculty building I live in. Mostly full of the older, more settled down professors I find the quiet evening hours much to my liking. I enter the pass code and proceed into the compound like building. Elaborate water displays and lush gardens meant for the comfort and relaxation of residents meant only that envious students were more likely to attempt to defeat the purpose of the high walls constructed about the perimeter. I walk up the stone path to the building entrance and find no stray students before proceeding up to the fourth floor.

I enter my rooms and find nothing amiss and head directly to my bedroom, neglecting to remove both jacket and shoes to immediately lie in bed. The cool fabric runs across my skin catching slightly as I turn, reminding me I need to shave.

I throw off my heavy clothes, scattering them about in a messy fashion. I agonize over the disorder I create while at the same I console myself that no one will ever know of this indiscretion. I lean back in my bed, willing abstract thoughts from my mind as I remember my days at the academy when I myself was a cadet.

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First actual chapter should be up sometime soon.


	2. Very Vari

Thank you to everyone that read and reviewed, it really means a lot!

The story will be focusing on a relationship Spock is trying at in his cadet years while weaving in bits with how it affects his current relationship with Uhura (her frustration at his space outs etc.). I'm trying to make everything clear sometimes my dialogue sequences come out messy, my friend that normally reads this stuff is away so I'm trying really hard for smoothness and clarity. If anyone wants to do a read through I'm always looking for constructive criticism. The following chapter is partly in flashback/memories of Spock signified by italics which can also mean thoughts.

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_I first remember seeing her in calculus class my incoming year in the fall. My first observation was that she was not very good at calculus, having many problems remembering trigonometric identities while integrating, her struggle giving way to low spoken whispers of disappointment to herself. She was not linguistics major such as myself, I had not seen her at our orientation and started to categorize what major she could possibly be. Certainly not anything in the science field, given her poor mathematical abilities, security also seemed unlikely as she had a weak physical presence. I seem to have made an error in organizing her abilities towards the sciences, I feel certain that she is either a biology or a nursing major though. She watches others in an observant fashion; she never seems envious but always a little more than just wanting to be on the sidelines._

_After another week or so passes before I happen to look at her again; she is odd from her peers, I realize this by noting the way she carries herself. The women on campus seem to sway as they walk wearing the tall heeled boots Starfleet allows them. This girl seems to just blend, attempting to draw no attention with her barely heeled shoes and size too large jacket on. Unfortunately her mop of hair prevents her from staying hidden long. While it is considered highly fashionable to wear hair long and sleek in order to impress others with the effort they put to maintaining the look, hers hangs in ringlets golden brown, short about her face._

_The first time I actually speak with her is unexpected. I was at the gymnasium to receive my physical assessment for the quarter when I see her on the treadmill on the far side of the physician's room. Her body is covered with sensors fixed to her chest, head and legs but I see no more before the doctor pulls a curtain and tells me to take a seat. He asks me routine questions, whether I have had any inquiries this semester and such, while I overhear what goes on beyond the sterile white curtain interrupting my view._

_"Very good, your lung function has improved three percent since the last time I saw you, it is excellent progress. But remember; even now that only brings you up to 91% of where you should be at. If you start to slack it could set you back even more, you can't be deployed without meeting the standards."_

_"Thank you Dr. Mestif, I've been trying my best but it still doesn't bring me up to par with my classmates. Sometimes it's just so hard..."_

_"Well m'dear I'm sure you will make the mark when it comes to it. You are after all _very _talented." The doctor chuckled after this statement._

_"That was the worse pun I've heard since I came here, I know you have better humor than that." I can hear the annoyance in her voice but the reason I cannot locate, I'm sure even an untrained ear would be able to recognize the irritated tone._

_"I can't keep you here any longer then, you're improving but otherwise healthy as could be. You are dismissed."_

_I just finished with my own minor exam from the other doctor on staff today and made to leave. I pick up my bag and walk towards the door as a spill of goldish fuzz knocks into me._

_I pick myself off the ground dismissing the hand offered to me. "I apologize, I am a touch telepath and it would be inappropriate for me to accept your hand."_

_She pulls her hand back with wide blue eyes, "I'm so sorry; I was just trying to get out of here before they can run any more tests on me I didn't mean to run into you or offend you with my hands."_

_I give her a calm look and she settles down. "it is fine, and I also apologize for not being more aware of my surroundings. My name is Cadet Spock." I offer her my name in hopes that she will return the gesture, I find it somewhat embarrassing that I have been in class with her for quite some time and cannot apologize to her by name._

_"I'm Vari..." she mumbles slowly, withdrawing her hand again from the handshake she was about to offer, flushing red that she had not remembered what I had just told her._

_Slightly confused I ask for clarification, "You're very what?"_

_She summons a more sure tone and tells me "I'm Vari, and you're not funny Cadet Spock!" The young woman whirls out the door past me towards the building exit without any more explanation._

_I think over what I had said and her reaction to such. Running through the various forms of the word 'very' I make the conclusion that my assumption of an unfinished sentence was incorrect and I made an unwelcome joke regarding the phonetics of her name. Now _Vari_ was _very_ angry at me._

_

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_

I learned my first lesson with human women that day. Their temperament rests on a whim and that I should tread with caution as not to disturb the careful balance.

I apply this lesson everyday while I am with Nyota. During my increasing number of mental distractions she will ask me the cause of my problem and I have learned that giving the truthful answer will not please her in the least.

They say that Vulcans cannot lie; then it is fortunate that I am only half Vulcan.

* * *

_I follow after Vari in large strides making good time in catching up with her. I will not allow myself to have someone on this campus so needlessly upset with me so I must continue this pursuit. She moves swiftly across the campus finally ducking into a building belonging to the school of engineering. Vari takes the stairs two or three at a time hopping down all the way to the sub basement. She dashes down to the end of a corridor and slips into a room. I make a move to approach the room when I hear a booming voice erupt from inside._

"_Damn it you are LATE! It's hard enough to find sometime and some place for all us to fit and you have to go being the center of everything miss 'fashionably late'!"_

"_I'm so sorry!" All the sincerity he had heard in that voice minutes ago was gone when dealing with the original speaker, the loathing creeping into her voice. "Did I interrupt any epic discoveries? Did you finally break warp 10 so you could simultaneously pester me about three minutes at every known point in time in this continuum?"_

"_Maybe I would have if you could just be on time for once!"_

"_Both of you that's enough," a strong authoritative voice took over the argument. "If even a human and a trill can't get along here I don't who can. But you two are certainly going to sit down and work together or we're never going to get anything done."_

_A female voice responded to the one in charge, "Please Ras, as if two engineers could actually agree on anything. If you need two engineers to agree on something you might as just phaser one of them to make it easier."_

_I decided that it would be better to reveal myself then as the longer I eavesdropped the more suspicion I would be under. I walked calmly to the slightly ajar door and knocked lightly._

"_Shit!" Immediately there was a sound of chairs being strewn about, cabinets being flung open, and drawers being shut followed by continuous hushed cursing. "No stupid ass put it over there…" A young man finally answered the door, opening it only a sliver, with a dirty look on his face. "What do you want?"_

_I adopt the most non-threatening face a Vulcan can. "I am looking for a cadet I offended in the gymnasium medical facility, is she here?" _

_I glimpsed the spots along his neck and forehead as he turned and practically snarled, "Vari get over here. And get him to leave, now!" Vari was at the door in seconds, opening it no more but still looking furious as she spied me on the other side of the door. _

"_I don't know why you followed me but you need to go like he said."_

"_Go from what precisely?" I ask her and raise an eyebrow, now her attention is mine._

_Vari stiffens and steps out of the door shutting it behind her the moment her body makes clearance. "A private meeting that requires a reference to attend."_

"_That does sound very private. So private that you probably would not want the faculty to know you are conducting _private meetings_ in the basement making secret plans."_

_All the color faded from her face and she pressed her lips together in a tight scowl, "what do you want? You have to keep this between us."_

'Between us…' _"Yes I believe that can be most agreeable, however I do have conditions to keeping these against regulations activities under radar."_

"_We are not acting against regulations!"_

"_In any case, I present my conditions for my absolute silence. One, you will see me at a minimum three times a week for calculus tutoring. Two: I require that you be completely upfront and honest with me at all times."_

_She neither refuses my request nor acknowledges it. Vari merely stands with a slightly open mouth taking in my features trying to find some flaw, something in my composure that would hint at jest. "I don't understand. Why would you possibly want that?"_

_I clasp my hands behind my back and regard her. "You are terrible at calculus."_

_The comment stings her but she remains calm, "And what of it?"_

"_I have been told many times by instructors and advisors that being by one's self constantly is seen as strange to humans and only leads to further isolation. I ask for you to accompany me occasionally at social outings so as to dispel the illusion that I prefer no companionship to those I have not normally associated with."_

_She pushes her hair into her face as a subconscious defense mechanism. Before turning and pacing the small hallway. "So I suck at calculus… and that makes you want to be my friend? That is such a messed qualifier to be your friend."_

_She is looking for some ulterior motive that I left out so she will not have to agree to this._ _"Not exactly, you need a math tutor, desperately. While I am an alien trying to facilitate a transition into your society and I believe an arrangement can lead to our mutual satisfaction."_

_She seems wary of my proposal. "What would you want to do, hang out on the quad and study? Be able to come over to my room and tell people that's where you're going?"_

"_All of those seem acceptable unless you had something thought of that you would prefer?"_

_Vari just gives me an incredulous look. "No, I don't have something else in mind but you need to stop making innuendos or I won't let you within ten meters of me."_

_I stop and ponder my last few statements, "Perhaps you should be aware that Vulcans do not think about sex as often as humans do. My statements had no double entendre to them nor would I believe you be flattered by such a lowly play on words."_

"_I think I should be grateful but I'm not sure that was meant to compliment me entirely. However I'll let it go. Do you want to get out of here or something?"_

"_I was under the impression you would leave with me, considering the unnecessary state of anger your Trill companion seems to be in I think it best you not return to the 'meeting' until another time when he has sufficient control over his emotions."_

_Vari brings her hand to her forehead and brings it slowly down her face in a gesture I am unfamiliar with. "It's an expression Spock like 'are you ready to go?' or ya know something along those lines. I wasn't going to just give you the boot or anything. Besides, you think we look suspicious, how do you think it looks to have to a xenophonology major running on the engineers turf?"_

_It was true; I had not taken into account the oddity my presence would cause. "And what about yourself, is it not also strange for a biology major to be seen in the engineering building?"_

_Vari tilted her head back and laughed; it was really quite a sight seeing her face transform as mirth spread across her features. She quieted down into a giggle and turned to me barely keeping the silly grin off her face as we walk, "You really must think quite poorly of my academic performance if you came to that conclusion, I'm actually an engineering major working in warp technology."_

"_I… apologize. I was under the impression that you were a science major that involved minimal math courses." She is an engineer? That certainly was not what I believed to be the case. She is already mysterious in more ways than I thought._

_Her laugh permeates the awkwardness I created, "It's fine, and most of my advisors think I should be a biologist too but I just can't seem to let go of my obsession with space and overcoming great distances and unique problems."_

_Vari is practically bouncing along now as we exit the engineering school into the dull light of early evening. She starts strolling along towards the dormitory buildings with little more to say. I stop abruptly as she points to a building with Greek inspired architecture on the other side of a large fountain. "I live there, on the seventh floor."_

"_It is a good building to live in I hear," I respond not knowing what she meant to impart by telling me such information._

"_I know it's also very distracting. Would you like to see the garden and then come study?"_

_I put my hands behind my back, "I'm not sure how well studying would go in such a distracting environment as you put it."_

_She rolls her eyes, another part of human body language I do not understand. "It's just my roommate, she makes everything difficult for the fun of it, I doubt she'd do that around you though. One icy Vulcan stare and I'm sure she would stay put at her desk for the rest of the evening."_

"_I was not aware my eyes were capable of lowering the temperature of a room by merely concentrating."_

"_Oh that's not what I meant at all; you're just very… intimidating is all. Nothing you can help about that." She shrugs her shoulders as if calling me a bully would have no effect._

"_I do not think that it is fair to extrapolate how other people would react to me based solely on the few conversations we've had." I find it hard to believe that she would find me so off putting in personality already that she thinks to use me to scare her roommate._

"_Well come upstairs and meet my roommate and we'll see how other people handle your _presence_ compared to me," Vari allowed a small smile to creep on to her face._

_The thought occurs to me on the elevator ride in sometime between the second and fourth floor of how she had said exactly what she did in order to get me to come with her. Indeed this one is crafty._

_

* * *

_

I make my way over to Uhura's room, thankful that she is no longer a student and I am no longer her teacher. I never had any misconduct with her during her time as a student but I still felt incredibly attracted to her. She became the highlight of my days as I would wait for her every lunch hour for her to stroll into my office looking for critique on her latest assignment. I have always found motivation exceeding appealing in other people finding it gives an air of confidence. But she _exuded_ it, simply rolling off of her in waves when she spoke on a subject so absolutely sure of every word and quick to acknowledge and correct a mistake without having it brought to her attention. Nyota brings expectations up to a near Vulcan like level without the sense of condescension my species tends to give.

I sometimes fear my Vulcan nature will lead me to be too upfront with her but it never seems to offend. Sometimes I find myself unable to procure what I would want from her through the normal path of logic so I take another lesson learned to help accomplish my goal.

Arriving at the door I ring the bell and pray silently that her exotic roommate does not answer. Thankfully I am received by the only one I want to see. I attempt a warmer expression than normal and tell her that she looks lovely. Nyota blushes and I almost tell her that it makes her look even more fetching but I hold back. We move to sit on the small sofa, _'Love seat,'_ I think randomly in my head. I then fix my eyes upon my target for longer than necessary.

"May I have your hand Nyota?"

She gives me a puzzled look, "Why do you want my hand?"

"I know you want me to hold your hands," I tell her slyly. In fact I have no way of knowing that without actually holding her hands in the first place but I would never let on to that.

Her hand slips into mine with a smile; my manipulation of this situation has turned out in my favor. I sigh contentedly as her stray thoughts float between our linked fingers.

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I got that out of the way, but I'm still not entirely pleased with how the dialogue went. I think it's too choppy and it might get edited before the next chapter is up. Thanks again for stopping by, R&R, all of your thoughts and comments make me awesomely happy.


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